Man is after all an animal. He has to struggle against the nature and its cruel forces, the deadly creatures out in the jungles, the gods who have forsaken us and the greatest threat – man himself. In order to adapt to the changing times, man needs to improve and innovate, to retain his older glory with a stain of a new creation. This is what video games will particularly teach you, and some would ask you to constantly bank on your ammunition, to stay alive and be on top of the fight. Today’s limelight falls on the ‘Weapons to Die For, Literally’, man’s innovation with gunpowder and steel, to stay on top of the war.
Nemean Cestus, God of War III
Let’s start from the very beginning. Before the times of idol practicing and corrupt political leaders and uprising thugs, there were Gods. Loads of them. And one man had the defiance to stand against the corrupt, Kratos. In God of War III, you are introduced to one of the very best weapons of the franchise, from the Blades of Exile to the Claws of Hades and the Nemesis Whip. But if there’s one weapon that has maximum effectiveness throughout the journey, that has to be the Nemean Cestus. After a hard fought battle with the mighty Hercules, Kratos retrieved what was bestowed upon Hercules for conquering his seven tasks. The Nemean Cestus is named after the Nemean lion that he slain in his last task. Nothing less than super metallic gauntlets, the Nemean Cestus is also in the shape of a lion’s face. It is most lethal when you face tall tough creatures or shielded freaks. Ram through them or give them a piece of your hulk smash, rest assured none can endure the damage of the Cestus. Not even Zeus himself. It is actually more effective when you are doing a round of grapple-kick-smash combo with one of the swords or whips. The alternate power move of the Cestus is by pushing the R2 button on your PS3 gently. The Nemean Cestus sends a deep grounded roar that sends everyone up in the sky, from there it’s just kick and smash.
The Cestus is the only way you can break up rocks and onyx shields, so equipping this at all times actually gets you ahead in the game with ease. Don’t forget to smash the monster scorpion in the Caverns with the Cestus. By upgrading the Cestus, you will be able to do loads of combos, like the Augean Stampede and Savage Charge. The weapon is as raw as it can get.
The Fiberwire, Hitman Series
When the first Hitman arrived in 2000, I had no idea as to why this guy won’t stay up on his feet like the rest when he was only hit by 3 bullets. Later on, I figured out what was so special with Codename 47 and the rest of the Hitman franchise. With no doubt, this game took people to a different level, to think before raising a gun, to take down an enemy and be cautious about his dead body. The generation was simply mesmerised by the then only major stealth game in town. Codename 47 cannot live without his Fiberwire, be it in the pictures or for real. Codename’s silent and painless ways of killing requires a weapon that is as smart and effective as him, hence the mother of all hidden weapons, the Fiberwire.
We have had 5 Hitman games so far, and the Fiberwire has gone even more epic with the evolution. Sneaking up from an enemy’s back, snapping his breath out, and then dragging him by the same Fiberwire, has made Hitman a legend in its own ways. 47 is compared to a rattlesnake over the years, and it is the Fiberwire that constitutes his rattle, in my opinion. It is the signature of a true silent assassin.
The Auger, Resistance Series
I haven’t been trapped inside a better trilogy than the Resistance series. Right from when the Chimera virus takes over earth, converting humans into deadly aliens, to the dying moments in New York City, Resistance is the ultimate offering in the name of video games. Set in a parallel universe 1950, the human intelligence and evolution has been shown to have escalated due to the outburst of Chimera activities. The humans have adopted alien guns and customised them to newer ones, and you will be using each one of them in the series. FPS seem to wither away by the time you have entirely explored all your possibilities, but in Resistance you need to understand that the guns are the gods. You can defeat an entire army of Chimera on your own, provided you have the right type of weapon.
The Auger is one of the sexiest guns you will ever come across. The weapon was retrieved by Hale, the Resistance: Fall of Man hero at the end of the Manchester battle from the Chimera. It is like giving the Chimera a taste of their own medicine. The Auger can shoot high energy bolts through objects in your way. It’s visor shows you the exact location of the enemies, so that you can sit behind a car and shoot them through the car insides. This feature actually makes you a god in possession of a secret weapon. Pressing the R2 button deploys a shield in front of you for some seconds, so that you can protect yourself against an ambush or a massive horde of Chimera. The Auger has pinpoint accuracy, and even if you miss your target by a hair, the impact will electrify them to ashes. The ammo is pretty low for the Auger, so use it when you must.
The Hidden Blade, Assassin’s Creed
Assassin’s Creed wouldn’t have become such a word of mouth if there wasn’t any parkour or Ezio, or even air assault. One of the most entertaining franchises around, Assassin’s Creed takes you to the times of our ancestors, when they had more of steel than of guns. When you are running around the streets, surrounded with allies and enemies, the best would be not to make a bold move like drawing out your big-ass sword and spilling some big-ass blood on the floor. Ezio has mastered the art of silent assassinating with the hidden blade that comes for free with every Assassin’s Creed game. He would fly down upon you and stab you three times before you’d even know. Sometimes the poison from the blade would enter your bloodstreams and kill you slowly. ‘Requieste De Pace’ he would say, and sheathe his hidden blade. And then he would leave the scene putting back the cape, as if nothing had happened.
The Purple Dildo or the Penetrator, Saints Row The Third
Firstly, yes, you read it right! Saints Row The Third’s epic offering has forced me to transgress my build up and wobble up my strong resounding phrases with the next few lines. With an out of the world gaming experience, Saints Row The Third actually lets you get it out of your system. We all are slaves to something, some to jobs, others to girlfriends, and a few to isolation. With the extreme ammunition of Saints Row The Third, you will never feel the pain taking over your life.
When you find yourself caught up in your sad, sad world, remember to grab a purple monster dildo coupled with the base of a baseball bat, and swing it, as you walk down the road. In a short span of time you will see splatters of blood and people dead on the floor. That’s the power of sex, if it is actually. The Penetrator dildo actually comes handy when you need to create a racket on the streets and ask for a rival gang’s attention upon you. One of the coolest weapons that I ever used in a video game, repeat, IN A VIDEO GAME. Oh, and you can smash the enemies’ balls with your Excalibur Dildo.